You insisted we keep it all a secret. Really, you knew my power in that small group of writers. If those first year women had known, they would have let you be.
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I learned to be present. Your arms, twice as thick as mine, belonged to me only for the instant I was in them. And I wish you all the love in the world, But most of all, I wish it from myself. And the songbirds keep singing Like they know the score. And I love you, I love you, I love you Like never before. In their songs on their first album with the band, though, they say plenty:. So many ways to count the tears. I never change, I never will. In truth, joining Fleetwood Mac both severed and chained Stevie and Lindsey. Their romantic relationship, already off-again, on-again, could no longer endure; their professional one could not be broken.
Other women I knew, whose writing I read, who read mine.
That was it: I wanted you to myself, and I wanted to say so out loud. When I made my ultimatum, you said you were sorry. We saw each other nearly every day—on campus, at parties, at our weeknight dive bars, where I sipped club soda with lime. But we did not speak. It was then that you first made your way into my stories.
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It was then that I slipped into your lines. Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night. Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies. Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light. I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain. Near rending, plastered-smile insistence to hold on, the energy of atomic fissure.
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It makes gut-wrench love sound fun. You asked if we could talk in December. We met at our Wednesday night dive bar and sat across from one another at a booth. Some game was on TV. Yes , you said, looking at the television screen, then at me. You had missed me.
I stood and joined your side of the booth. I curved myself under your arm. It would be different, and you know it will. She wanted another songwriting credit on the record. She fumed, but she went along with the plan. She did not know. She Liked both pictures. You stared at your phone. I worked on my novel, furious. Finally, baby: The truth has come down now. You got me rocking and a-reeling…. I was always the one to end it. This time, it happened outside a diner. Instead I tried to make summer plans, post-grad plans, what-are-we-doing-with-the-rest-of-our-lives plans.
Presence, your lesson, always.
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An exam, with you, I always failed. This time, there were no gouges in the stairwell.
I unpacked plates and forks and mason jars and set them gently on wooden shelves. Unconsciously, I began to sing along with Stevie and Lindsey, then got catapulted back to you. When I left our mountain town in Virginia, you and I spent another August day hauling furniture and boxes. We cried when we parted, but that was not that. Once, we met each other halfway, in a town in West Virginia, and before I drove off, you told me—to my face—that you loved me.
Well did she make you cry, Make you break down, Shatter your illusions of love? And is it over now? Do you know how? Pick up the pieces and go home. The ostensible reason: timing. The reality? They met. They created. They entangled. They split. They channeled it all into art. Lindsey Buckingham has been married to a different woman for nearly twenty years. Last summer, you sent me a contributor copy of a journal where a poem of yours appeared. I looked for my prints on your words: maybe , find each other, change, Coronas.
Excellent lovers, once; excellent competitors, still. Will we do this always? Hunt evidence of what we were and are in the marks the other makes on a page? But I think Nicks was right. You never escape the hold of the ones who loved you.
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You never shake the sound of the ones you managed to love. And can you tell me, was it worth it? Home Contributors About Contact. We crossed no romantic lines. Dreams In , Fritz broke up, and Lindsey and Stevie got together. Not yet, anyway. You can go your own way… 6. Songbird Lindsey had wanted his freedom, but he still resented Stevie for breaking things off. You never were one for strict syntax.
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Side II: 1. You got me rocking and a-reeling… 4. Oh Daddy I was always the one to end it. Gold Dust Woman Who sheds an addiction easy? Once, you nearly came to D. Once, I nearly moved to Pittsburgh for you.